A Cullen Truth or Dareness Type Dealio
by Obsessivegeekybuffalosnowcones
Summary: Another Cullen truth or dare. I thought it would be funny so please read and review. Lot's of OOCness. DISCLAIMER: I obviously do not own Twilight
1. Chapter 1

A Cullen Truth or Dareness Type Dealio

Chapter One

Jasper POV

I'm sooooo bored. Sure, pasting smiley face stickers on everything is fun, but… I should come up with something… What would embarrass Emmett? That's what I really want. And maybe Edward too. Hmm…

My adorable wife stuck a light bulb above my head as soon as it came to me. I love Alice. I got a little scared after that. She bounced though the ceiling. Literally. _Through_ the ceiling. She started clapping and yelling "Jazzy, Jazzy! I love you! You're a genius!"

Alice and I skipped down the stairs. Yes, I skipped. So what? Erm… She's rubbing off on me. QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! Erm, anyways, I sent off ginormous waves of happiness at my unsuspecting family. Edward and Emmett started dancing. Carlisle was upside down.

Alice jumped to the middle of the living room in one bound. She happily announced that we were all playing Truth or Dare. If they didn't she would reveal the blackmail she had on all of them. They had no choice.

Edward POV

Crap. Crap crap crap crap CRAP! I thought after the cheese covered dragon incident they wouldn't dare do this again. I shuddered. Rose and Bella seemed to be the only other ones who accepted gladly. Of course, Bella didn't know about the dragon. I supposed Emmett would have accepted quickly had he not been dancing around like an idiot.

We gathered in a loose circle on the floor. I didn't like the way Jasper was eyeing me. His thoughts consisted of sword fighting to Barbie Girl, very unhelpful. How did he come up with up that?

"Since it was my idea I'm going first," he said. "Edward, truth or dare?"

I tried searching Alice's mind for his plans but she was coming up blank. Well how bad could it be? "Dare" I said, full of confidence in his lack of evilness. His evil grin scared me. Then I saw the result pull a vision into Alice's mind. I gasped in horror.

"Edward, I dare you to spend the remainder of the game naked."

I saw Bella blush next to me and I swear I did too. I undressed at vampire speed and hid behind a pillow.

Then a sharp crack sounded from behind me. "Hide me!" a frantic voice yelled. We looked to see Angela behind us looking like she narrowly escaped death. "Hide me!" she yelled again.

"What are we hiding you from?" I asked, "And how did you get here?"

"Chief Swan is trying to burn me at the stake!" she screamed, "I didn't now that was legal!"

Her thoughts provided an explanation to the second question. _I poofed here. I'm a witch. Yeah, that sounds great.._ I gaped at her. Bella had been right. Angela is a witch!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You're actually a witch? I suppose I should've guessed it was possible but, I thought Forks had enough super natural."

"How did you know that? Well, you can't tell anyone or I'll tell everyone that you're vampires."

"I read you're mind. How did you know about us?"

"You might as well have a flashy neon sign above your head that says you're a vampire. Actually, I see you with a flashy neon sign. It's a witch thing."

Alice POV

I SO did not see that coming. Angela is a witch. Huh. I did see something just then though. "Guess what!" I squealed, "Angela's gonna play truth or dare with us!"

"Is that what you're doing?" she said, "I was wondering why Edward isn't wearing any clothes. I'd be glad to join."

"Okay, Edward, it's your turn."

"Hmm… Carlisle, truth or dare?"

Carlisle POV

"Truth" Of course I picked truth. What else could I pick, dare? I'm not that stupid. I could see I was going to regret this decision.

"Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?"

Bleep. He couldn't know about that, could he? It wasn't even my fault really. "Erm… well… I was pushed into it."

"By who?"

"Erm… her name was Chelsea." They looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. I started babbling. "Okay, well she's a vampire with a special talent for erm.. seducing men in 3 seconds. Actually, I held out for 47 thank you. But, well, anyways, we were in Pisa and she um.. pushed me into while we were um… well, yeah," I finished lamely.

Esme looked shocked in a she's going to punch me kinda way. "Esme, honey?"

"Carlisle, upstairs now!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Angela POV

Esme was weaving a string of profanities that would make a tapestry to float over the Olympic Peninsula. We could hear begging coming from Carlisle. Poor guy. After about half an hour they descended the stairs and took their places in the circle. "So," Carlisle said, "Angela, truth or dare?"

Wasn't really expecting that but ok. "Dare"

"I dare you to do ten of the 100 fun things to do at Walmart. With help from Edward and Emmett."

Cool. I always wanted to do that and now I have an excuse. I poofed us all to the Walmart parking lot. I noticed that Edward's pillow didn't join us, so I poofed clothes onto him. "What do you want me to do first?"

"I want you to try to fit into a very large gym bag." Fun. We went inside and back to the luggage stuff. Edward grabbed a gym bag off the shelf and I crammed myself into it. Emmett tried to zip it up but I froze his fingers together. It was funny.

"Now steal someone's cart when they aren't looking." Emmett pointed out a woman who was busy comparing two brands of toilet paper. I silently walked up behind her and walked away with her cart. It took her five minutes to notice. Bella and I were rolling on the floor laughing.

"Buy a candy bar or something and when the cashier rings it up look mesmerized and say, 'Wow. Magic.'" I bought a Three Muskateers. As they dragged it across the scanner I widened my eyes looking mesmerized. "Wow, it's just like magic," I whispered. He gave me a weird look and I walked out of the lane dazed.

"Now…sample all the air fresheners in the auto department" The place smelled like a lemony fresh ocean breeze drifting over variety of trees and flowers with a hint of rubber. The vampires all had their noses wrinkled in disgust. It would smell a whole lot worse to them.

"I thought of something," said Edward, "Glue a quarter to the ground and see how many people try to pick it up." Sounds easy enough. I grabbed a quarter from my pocket and borrowed some glue from the school supplies. I put it in the entrance to electronics. A little girl spotted it and tried to pick it up. Several other people did too, 47 to be exact. An old man tried the hardest. It was pretty hilarious.

"Ooh! Ooh! I've got it!" Emmett. "Go to toys and set up an epic battle between Barbie and G.I. Joe!" The insuing battle was intense, but in the end Barbie prevailed. Emmett, in a fit of rage, threw plastic army men at me. I opened up a microwormhole to suck up the army men. It let out right above Emmett's head and he was covered in green plastic.

"Only four more, it's time to lecture the socks." I told the pink baby socks that they were too cute and tiny for their own good. The white ones really shouldn't have started lecturing me back. I chose not to mention that to everyone else. I finished off by telling the toe socks that they had serious mental problems.

"Test ride a pink bike around the store without being caught by personnel." Emmett lifted down a pink bike with a basket and tassels. I like tassels. I rode through the men's clothes and the frozen foods. They were the only places without strategically placed workers.

"Put lingerie in old men's carts." I couldn't help myself. I filled a cart full of skimpy lingerie and gave it to Carlisle. Mission accomplished. He was without a doubt the oldest guy in the store.

"Very funny. Last one. For your finale you will act like a cat." I dropped on all fours and started meowing loudly. I rubbed up against a guy's leg and licked a little girl's hand. I poofed us home.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Well I'm surprised you've read this far. Thank You! I'm sorry about the OOCness, I couldn't help it. Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or The Harry Potter Puppet Pals Mysterious Ticking Noise. Now for more suckish daring. Please review.

Chapter Four

Edward POV

Walmart disappeared, as did my clothes, and we were once again home. I grabbed my pillow to hide behind. Angela started appraising Jasper. Jasper in turn started sending off nervousness. I was getting really jittery. "Jasper," she finally started, "truth or dare."

"Dare," he said. "I dare you to get the rest of your family to do a Cullen version of the Harry Potter Puppet Pals Mysterious Ticking Noise. And Bella has to tape it."

Well, that's odd. We quickly discussed whose name would take the place of whose. Rosalie and Emmett got in a fist fight over whose name got to take Dumbledore's place. We hid behind the couch while Alice disappeared, and came back with Cullen dolls. "Alice, why do you have dolls that look like us?"

She just gave me a look that said, "Why wouldn't I have them?" I didn't want to think about it. Angela made a camera appear and we started.

**A/N: If you haven't seen the puppet pals, a lot of the names overlap. The words in parentheses overlap what came before them. Everyone says their own name.**

_Alice: What is that mysterious ticking noise? Not over here, not over there. Hmm. Kind of catchy._

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle)(Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle) (Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock That's me!) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Jasper, Alice, Jasper, Alice, Jasper, Alice, Jasper Rosalie! Carlisle_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle)(Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock) Rosalie!_

_Alice, Alice, Mary Alice (Edward, Edward, Edward Cullen) (Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle)(Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock) Rosalie!_

_All: Singing our song all day long in Forks._

_Edward: I've found the source of the ticking. It's Emmett! (Yea!) (Emmett spontaneously combusts)_

_(Evil laughter) Esme, Esme, Ooh, Esme, Esme, Esme, Esme!_

I'm so glad that's finally over. Bella had fallen over about half way through and was once again rolling on the floor. Personally, I just thought it was funny when Emmett exploded. "Now," said Jasper, "Truth or dare…"

Another author's note: I'm bubbling over with happiness! Some one actually added this to their favorites! *jumps up and down like Alice* And I just started writing it yesterday. I would celebrate with Cheez-its, but… I ate them. *huge cheesy smile*


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Hello! My sister wanted to be mentioned so. HI SORINA! Disclaimer thingy: I don't own Twilight or any of Shania Twain's songs. *sigh* I love you people who have actually taken the time from your lives to read this crap. YOU ROCKIO TO THE MAXIO! Please review. Bold things are thoughts.

Chapter Five

Edward's POV

Last time on A Cullen Truth or Dareness Type Dealio: Jasper was about to dare some one and since my wonderful sister gave me an idea…

"Truth or dare… Emmett?" said Jasper dramatically.

What's up with the dramatic pause? Emmett had no choice but to pick dare. "I dare you to sing Man! I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain. For the camera. In a skirt. And a tube top. Oh, and you have to dance too."

A string of profanities came from Emmett's mouth; an even longer one came from the empty abyss that was his mind. Alice rushed him into her closet and came back down with a CD and a plaid-skirted Emmett. The music started and the camera trained on him.

I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright  
Gonna let it all hang out  
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout  
No inhibitions-make no conditions  
Get a little outta line  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
I only wanna have a good time

**Oh god my husband looks sexy. –Rosalie**

**That is so wrong. –Carlisle and Esme**

**If my heart were beating, would my eyes be bleeding? –Alice**

**AHH! MY EARS! WAHH! –Angela**

***crickets* -Bella**

The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!

The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take  
The chance to get out on the town  
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance  
We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman

**Oh My Carlisle.**  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!

The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!

I get totally crazy  
Can you feel it  
Come, come, come on baby  
I feel like a woman

**You look like one too. –Jasper**

The horrible noise ended and so did the windows. They shattered, Esme screamed, Emmett ran, we laughed. **Tell Rose she can have my turn. –Emmett **"So, Rose, who is Emmett picking?"

A/N: What'd ya think? Sucky ain't it? He he. Mes Grammar Sucks. Lol. Ok you guys didn't get that but whatever. Please review, reviews are like cheez-its, you can never have too many. Have you ever noticed that when something is in the recycle bin on your desktop there's a little paper in it?


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: My third chapter today. Actually, my awesome sister, Maria Sorina person, wrote Bella's dare. That is why the first part of this chapter is so much better than the rest. Anyways…I don't own Twilight. But I do own my pillow who is just as good as Edward. Really, Data is just as good as Edward.

Chapter Six

Edward's POV

"Emmett would like to dare Bella," replied Rosalie. The wickedness of these words was tangible. I kept shooting Bella worried looks. Alice looked absolutely confused. I looked to Rosalie's mind only to find her repeating the formula and significance of Relativity Theory. I peered into Alice's mind to find a flashing neon sign that said "Cheeseburger in Paradise".

"Yes…Emmett would like to dare Bella to dismantle the "Cheeseburger in Paradise" sign so that it reads " he s in r ise".

"He's in rise? We're talking about Emmett, right?"

"Actually, Bella, we're talking about Edward. Which reminds me you're going to spray paint his name with an arrow pointing to 'he's' on the side of the restaurant."

"Great." Bella and I sarcastically moaned in unison.

Bella's POV

I haven't actually dismantled a neon sign before. I guess I'm glad I have people like Jasper to teach this sort of necessary life skill to me. We drove over in the shiny (Ooh so shiny!!!) Volvo. Edward, now sporting a darkened censored sign below his waist compliments of Angela, helped me up and Jasper gave me step by step instructions on vandalizing property. Angela may have saved me a few trips to the hospital during the procedure. Then again they were the ones that gave me the technical cutting tools.

We all stood back to admire the sign and the glow-in-dark, lime green name and arrow. We then split the scene when Alice saw a couple of police cars in the restaurant's near future. We arrived at the Cullen's house. Rosalie ran over to Emmett and the two of them started doing some interesting things with each others' tongues. The censored sign around Edward moved over their heads. Edward shrieked, tried desperately to get it back, gave up, and sat back behind his pillow.

Since Esme and Emmett were apparently done chasing each other, one in outrage the other in fear, I decided to try my luck with Esme. "Esme, truth or dare?"

Esme's POV

Crap. "Dare, I don't wanna be a wimp like Carlisle."

"Thanks for your support honey."

"No problem."

Bella looked downright evil. She had a creepy grin on her face and Jasper had one to match. "Esme, I dare you to go to the aquarium in Seattle and kiss a shark, not one of those non-threatening petting sharks, a SHARK. And a sea turtle. Definitely a sea turtle. Each kiss must last at least thirty seconds."

We piled into Carlisle's Mercedes and drove to Seattle. Alice insisted on naming whatever shark and turtle I kissed. "I think the shark should be named George. No, wait, Tweety! And the turtle is Fred, no, Bread, no, Brad!" she babbled.

We arrived and walked over to the shark tanks. Rosalie distracted the security guard while I slipped into the tank. I started kissing the first shark I saw, a hammerhead. I resurfaced 31 seconds later and jumped out before I attracted attention. It took some doing but we found the sea turtles. I slipped into their tank as well. The turtle was a much better kisser than the shark. Actually, almost as good as Carlisle. Bleep. Edward if you tell him I thought that!

Edward was doubled over in laughter behind Emmett and Jasper who were hiding him. They assumed his laughter was due to me kissing a turtle. I was gonna let them think that. We hurried back to the Mercedes with security hot on our heels due to Edward's streaking. We were home once again and I turned to Rosalie. "Rose, truth or dare?"

A/N: In preparation for the next chapter, if you don't know the words to Charlie Daniel's Uneasy Rider '88 I would suggest looking them up. That song is so fummy. The place in there will show up in Rose's dare.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I now disclaim! I don't own Twilight or any of Charlie Daniel's songs. I tried not to make the gay guy sound very gay. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with gay guys.

Chapter Seven

Esme's POV

I watched Rose's reaction. She blew off the question as though she had nothing to fear from me. With great confidence she replied "Dare!"

Without hesitation I laid out my magnificent plan for all of them using my keen ability of being cryptic. "Uneasy Rider '88," was my explanation. Jasper's expression lit up like a forest fire. Carlisle chuckled. Edward broke down mentally, probably imagining Rosalie going with my ingenious plan, and ran outside into the woods trying to calm the shrieking noises that could have been laughter. Alice looked awed. The others stared dumbly.

Jasper spoke up, "You do know that bar was in Mississippi, right?"

"I happen to know there is a perfectly good substitute for it in northern Oregon. Please no comments on how I have this information."

Emmett looking more perplexed than usual asked, "Are we going on eighty-eight uneasy rides?"

Apparently cryptic didn't work for most of this family. "The song, Uneasy Rider '88 by Charlie Daniels,… It's about starting a fight in a gay, cross-dressing bar." That drew some more fitting reactions. "That, my dear Rose is exactly what you're going to be doing."

We loaded in two cars for the long trip to Oregon. We made Edward put on clothes first. We didn't want to start anything when we went in.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~Some Hours Later~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We parked right in front of The Cloud Nine Bar & Grill.

Some guy at the bar's POV

I was talking to the bartender, then I felt air blow past me when the doors opened. The air continued for a long time. Why was some idiot standing there with the door open? I looked behind me, and in came the most gorgeous girl I'd ever laid eyes on. Her long, blonde hair even whipped around her perfect face in the wind. If she was gorgeous, it was nothing compared to the man that came in after her. He had the biggest, most toned muscles I'd ever seen. They stood out perfectly under his short-sleeved T-shirt. He had short dark hair. I wasn't the only one staring now. Then came in with a short dark-haired girl was a very impressive blonde guy. His expression was one of excitement and depression at the same time. Was I the only one hoping the latter was due to an aversion to the girl on his arm? Next came in a pretty brown-haired, brown-eyed girl with a hunk-of-a-man with bronze hair. Then a woman with dark hair walked in with another girl. The eight of them were certainly a sight to see, and not just the men but the women, too.

They came up to order drinks, and I felt the doors open again. I turned around. There framed in the doorway was an angel. He had gold hair and gold eyes. His stature and power when he walked were absolute. He carried himself with the most perfect grace. Speaking of perfection, his face was above that of any other man's in the whole universe, surely. Did I mention his body?!?! Absolutely, one hundred percent smokin'! I heard someone at one of the tables whistle.

The first two who had come in were talking to a drunken jerk at the other end of the bar. I heard him try a couple of cheap pickup lines on the big guy. The guy seemed a little confused but recited a few back. The blonde girl looked like she was going to punch someone. The drunk said one more line, then she did punch him, square in the jaw. The man next to him and he both stood up and started making some rude comments involving the girl's mother with explicit details. That really ticked her off and she shoved the other one into a table. The man hit the table and spilled all of the drinks there. The three men there got up and started beating on the big guy who was now defending the girl. A full blown war started about then. There were drinks flying and profound screams shouted. I high-tailed out of there before I was caught up in it, too. I'm no good in a fight. The nine individuals came running out after me and got in their cars.

Rosalie's POV

Well I got in Alice's Porsche. I put her on the floor and she stayed that way. We were going down the highway doing about 110 mph. Now we're back where the women are women, and the men are men.


	8. Chapter 8

A really long author's note: I'm sorry about the last chapter. Really couldn't help myself. I could just picture Rose starting a bar fight and then that song started playing…So anyways, I have the rest of the story planned out. Alice, a special guest, (I'm not saying who. MWUHAHAHA! Ehem.) and the whole group gets one. This should explain a lot of the random words in our profile. By the way, Sorina wrote the last chapter. As always, I don't own Twilight. But I do own buffalo snowcones. So, with out further ado…

Chapter Eight

Rosalie's POV

So, after outrunning the blinking red lights that were tailing us, we were once again home. It was time for someone to suffer at my hands. Seeing as Alice was the only one who hadn't gone, she would be the one to face my wrath. As we entered the door I turned on Alice. "Pixie, truth or dare?"

Alice muttered something about being a fairy, not a pixie. I had a very intricate dare planned but, of course, the future seeing freak saw it coming and chose truth. I mulled over the past year looking for anything potentially embarrassing. Then it hit me. "Alice, remember when Em and I were going to France and we were on the same plane as you and Jazz. You two stopped in Montana. What did you do there?"

"We went there to get snowcones," came her reply, a little too quickly.

"You went to Montana to get food?"

Edward started laughing his butt off. Alice glared at him. "If you won't tell them, I will," he warned her.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, more specifically, buffalo snowcones. I really wanted to eat a buffalo and Montana is the best place to find them. We got snowcones and used blood instead of flavored syrup."

"Tell them what else happened."

Alice growled before continuing. "We got arrested. We were, umm, _sitting _on a buffalo and the police people showed up. I was arrested for 'abusing a buffalo'."

She still wasn't mentioning something. She said we… "What did Jasper get arrested for?"

"Well, Jasper didn't want me to spend all night alone in a jail cell in Montana, so he got himself arrested."

She was completely ignoring the question. "Yes, but _what_ did he get arrested for?" I pressed.

"Indecent exposure."

We all burst out laughing at that. So, that's what they were doing on the buffalo. Alice then let out a shriek. "The future disappeared!" she cried.

Angela spoke up then. "It probably would seeing as I just had an idea. Alice, how would you like someone to dare?"

She then proceeded to make Jake appear out of nowhere. "Hi Jake, this isn't an attack. We want you to play truth or dare with us."

A/N: Sorina and I came up with the buffalo snowcones thing awhile ago. We figure vampires can ingest water since there is water in blood. I think. What will Jake have to do? Dun dun duhhh. Just wait an hour while I type it up. :D


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: Because I love Jake, HE WILL SUFFER! MWAHAHAHA! *thunder rolls* *lightning strikes* I still don't own Twilight though I wish I owned Seth. Imprint on meeee… Don't own Rascal Flatts either. Sorry, but I like making them sing.

Chapter Nine

Jake's POV

Holy crap. How did I get here? I'm surrounded, vampires everywhere. They want me to play truth or dare with them? Umm, ok. "Dare."

Some girl I didn't recognize was sitting with them. She was the one who addressed me first. "Hi, you don't know me but, I know you. I'm Angela. Alice, I have an idea as to what he should do."

Whispered something so low even my enhanced senses couldn't pick it up. I didn't like the smile that the pixie was now sporting. "You are going to sing Backwards by Rascal Flatts." Didn't sound too bad. "And there's a dance you have to do."

The short thing dragged me up the stairs and showed me the dance I would be doing. It looked like it was made by a couple of thirteen-year-old girls at four in the morning. **(A/N: It's true, it was made at four in the morning by two 13 year old girls. Btw, I like that song. Four in the morning. Anyways…)** We went back downstairs and I was shoved in front of a camera that was set up. Music started playing.

I was sitting on a bar stool  
In a barbecue joint in Tennessee  
When this ole boy walked in  
And he sat right down next to me  
I could tell he'd been through some hard times  
There were tear stains on his old shirt  
And he said you wanna know what you get  
When you play a country song backwards

You get your house back  
You get your dog back  
You get your best friend Jack back  
You get your truck back  
You get your hair back  
Ya get your first and second wives back  
Your front porch swing  
Your pretty little thing  
Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring  
Your get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley  
First night in jail with Charlie **(lol)**  
Sounds a little crazy, a little scattered and absurd  
But that's what you get when you play a country song backwards  
Well I never heard it said quite like that  
It hit me in the face cause that's where I'm at  
I almost fell flat out on the floor  
He said wait a minute that's not all theres even more

You get your mind back  
Your nerves back  
Your first heart attack back  
You get your pride back  
You get your life back  
You get your first real love back  
You get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine  
You get the pond and the lawn  
The bail and the mower  
You go back where you don't know her  
It sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd  
But that's what you get  
When you play a country song backwards  
Oh play that song  
Woo!!!

We sat there and shot the bull about how it would be  
If we could turn it all around and change this c-r-a-p

You get your house back  
You get your dog back  
You get your best friend Jack back  
You get your truck back  
You get your hair back  
Ya get your first and second wives back  
Your front porch swing  
Your pretty little thing  
Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring  
Your get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley  
First night in jail with Charlie  
You get your mind back  
Your nerves back  
Your first heart attack back  
You get your pride back  
You get your life back  
You get your first real love back  
You get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine  
You get the pond and the lawn  
The bail and the mower  
You go back where you don't know her  
It sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd  
But that's what you get  
When you play a country song backwards

That was horrible. Those annoying bloodsuckers were all in hysterics. I would get my revenge. I knew the perfect thing that would make them suffer.

A/N: You have to use your imagination for the dance. I can't explain it right but it is HILARIOUS. What will Jake do for revenge? It's kinda funny. Well it is to me. So there. Please review. I haven't begged for reviews in a while. Please, please, please! I'll give you cheez-its.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: Don't own Twilight blah blah blah. I also don't own Star Trek or the various commercials. Duh. I wasn't alive when they were made. This will make sense in a second. I would also like to take this opportunity to mention I will be starting a new story immediately after this. I think I'll call it Sickness or something like that. This is the last chapter so enjoy! **People's thoughts are in bold.**

Chapter Ten

Edward's POV

**I will make them suffer. They don't know who they're dealing with. I'll just run home and grab the tapes my dad recorded in the eighties. This will be perfect. –Jake **What is he talking about? Tapes? Like VHS tapes? Do we even have a VCR anymore? Jacob left the house and started running towards the reservation. His thoughts were concentrated on the tapes but I still had no idea what was on them.

He returned 22.6 minutes later. I was counting so what? He was carrying several VHS tapes. "I dare all of you to watch all of these tapes right now." He said.

"And what are on said tapes?" I asked.

"Star Trek. You will have to sit through eight hours of Kirk and his toupees. And even worse than that, you will also have to watch the cheesy eighties commercials. Also, you have to watch them at normal speed. You can't just watch them on fast forward. There also has to be sound. NO muting."

Darn it! He thought of all my loopholes. I shuddered I remembered cheesy eighties commercials. I REALLY didn't want to relive that. He found the VCR (What do you know, we do have one.) and popped in the first tape. "Have fun!" he yelled as he ran away.

Kirk's voice came through the speakers. Words in the upper left hand corner of the screen identified the episode as Miri. I remember this one. Kirk basically molested a teenaged girl who had a crush on him. We stayed with the Enterprise for five minutes before it cut to commercials.

The first one was for Juicy Fruit. You could tell these weren't made recently because they couldn't get away with saying half of this now. Ahem, and I quote, "The taste is gonna move ya. Take a sniff, pull it out. The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it your mouth." Seriously think of all the horrible ways that could be taken; Emmett is.

Next was a commercial about "brand new cars." An '87 Chevy Cavalier or an '87 Chevy Nova. Yeah, real new. Then, there was a commercial for Supercuts. EVERYONE had bad hair in the eighties, even Carlisle, so why bother? The funniest by far was the Long John Silver's commercial. "Shrimp, French fries, hush puppies. The whole deal. We're gonna put a hoedown in your mouth with some real wholesome catfish. So the next time you want a genuine catfish dish try the folks who know fish." Really, a hoedown in your mouth. Sounds great, really appetizing. Lastly, we were graced with knowing about the "new Atari 2600" with "new and improved graphics" that looked like really big squares.

We had to watch For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky, Wolf in the Fold, Spectre of the Gun, Amok Time, Mudd's Women, The Trouble with Tribbles, and The Naked Time. The seriously freaky part was Bella was enjoying it. And reciting various lines along with the characters. Of course, I knew all the words too but, I have the excuse of perfect recall. I seriously wouldn't have guessed that Bella was a … I can't say it. It's too horrible. A, a…TREKKIE!

We were all staring at Bella by the end. She gave me a sheepish grin and ran upstairs. "Alice," I said, "Let's never play truth or dare again. That was too disturbing."

"Agreed," said everyone at once.

Then Esme spoke up, "Can I go wash my mouth out now, it still tastes like turtle."

A/N: ISN'T STAR TREK AWESOME! Thank you SO MUCH for actually reading all the way through this. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Sorina says hi. Or bye. Now, to Sickness! Or whatever I'm gonna call it.


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